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"Most of the women I've dated are like Pringles. They're white, slightly warped and they snap easily."
- Drew Hastings

"If I put out an album it would be called 'Chick McGee: Coastin'"
- Chick McGee on his work ethic

"I'm just trying to let your jokes filter through my antidepressants."
- Drew Hastings on why he wasn't laughing during the Zany Report

"Shows like Bad Girls Club are the starting pistol for Armageddon."
- Bobcat Goldthwait on reality TV

"So when you go into the strip clubs, do you leave your dignity in the car or put it in the trunk."
- Tom Griswold

"Humans have sex face to face to cause guilt"
- Chick McGee on how Humans are the only animal to use more positions than doggy style .

"Evidently underwear does serve a purpose."
- Tom Griswold on why he started wearing underwear after seeing an embarrassing picture of himself.

"I think I'm going to go home and listen to this show. I hear it's pretty good."
- Bob Kevoian

"I'm not even lucky enough to fantasize about winning the lottery. I have to fantasize about someone else winning, and then killing them."
- Andy Hendrickson

"Why can't I have a pool?"
- Todd Snider wondering why no beer companies have paid him to use "Beer Run"

"I thought my marriage was going to be over before we got our wedding pictures back."
- John Heffron

"These guys are actually pretty good people, despite my apathy."
- Chick McGee trying to sound interested while reading a live commercial

Chick's dig guys with confidence. At least I think they do."
- James P. Connolly

" One guy doing weird stuff is called a nut. A large group of people doing weird stuff is called a church."
– BengtWashburn

"I don't color my hair for the same reason I don't dance, I don't want to feel queer."
- Nick Griffin

"I was on the Quotes Page once... back in 1995 I think."
- Frank Caliendo

"Frank wants to be on the Quotes Page. Yeah, that's what he needs, more exposure."
- Nick Griffin

"So far the BOB&TOM sports desk is 0-2 in solo shows."
- Gunner on his and Chick's solo morning show careers


" Chick's dig guys with confidence. At least I think they do."
- James P. Connolly

" One guy doing weird stuff is called a nut. A large group of people doing weird stuff is called a church."
– BengtWashburn

"I don't color my hair for the same reason I don't dance, I don't want to feel queer."
- Nick Griffin

"I was on the Quotes Page once... back in 1995 I think."
- Frank Caliendo

"Frank wants to be on the Quotes Page. Yeah, that's what he needs, more exposure."
- Nick Griffin

"So far the BOM&TOM sports desk is 0-2 in solo shows."
- Gunner on his and Chick's solo morning show careers

"I'm not racist, I just find diversity dangerous."
- Daniel Tosh

"Have you guys ever got to the point in your life where you know you've met enough people."
- Greg Warren

"I was in a town the other that called itself 'Flag City.' Not to be confused with San Francisco... which is the 'City By the Bay.'"
- Geechy Guy

"These primaries are like an expensive high school election."
- Bob Kevoian


" Tom is growing his own grand children!"
– Chick McGee

" Everything I touch turns to sold."
- Kenny Tarmac

"You can talk about me in the tabloids all you want, but those come out every week and are forgotten. Songs like this, they stick around a lot longer."
- Kid Rock on his new song "So Hott" and how song writers get revenge

"The only professions where people prefer someone with little experience are politics and prostitution."
- Scott Dunn

 

Events Archives FAQs

Heywood Banks Edition
Singer/songwriter/comedian Heywood Banks has been a fixture on the show since the very beginning. And with as often as he stops by, it's no wonder he's appeared on almost every album BOB&TOM have released. With the amount of material he's preformed over the years, it's no wonder a few of his tunes have slipped through the cracks and ended up in the land of obscurity. So, in honor of his forgotten classics, we present to you the hidden gems of Heywood Banks

No 12-Step for Stupid- Heywood Banks & Ben Folds
Goin' Bowling
- Heywood Banks
Good Morning Bluebird
- Heywood Banks
My Precious Queen
- Heywood Banks
NASCAR Patches - Heywood Banks

   
 

Not That Mark Sweeney
For those of you who were planning on hearing us interview the L.A. Dodgers' first baseman on Friday, we're sorry to disappoint you but it's not that Mark Sweeney. No, our good friend Mark Sweeney is actually a professional comedian, and a very good one at that. And while he isn't a ballplayer, he has held a number of other jobs including bus boy, construction worker, real estate agent, bartender and copier repairman. In the arena of performing, he's also been an actor, appearing on TV shows like Boston Public, Third Rock From the Sun, and Days of Our Lives. But looking through his resume, the occupation that stands out most is the four years he spent in the US Marines, or as he puts it, a full time job partying around the globe.

FACTOID - Last year Mark Sweeney spent a good deal of time in Afghanistan entertaining the troops. You can read about his adventures on his website.

 

Good Clean Fun
No angst, no edginess, no angry rants, just good clean fun; that’s Matt Golightly’s approach to comedy in a nutshell.  This self-proclaimed square isn’t out to shock you on stage, he just wants to make you laugh.  With a personable and likeable stage presence, Golightly has turned his true love of stand-up comedy into a successful career, which is lucky for him because he refused to take a nine-to-five job. 

 
Bob&Tom, My wife and I visited Marco Island in Florida when we came across an Italian restaurant with a very interesting name. I will let you guys be the judge . Arthur - Louisville, KY
 
Wednesday on BOB&TOM
30 Rock Returns to Thursday Nights
Comedian, character actor and "World Champion" are just a few of the titles Judah Friedlander has given himself, and while his championship claims are up for debate, the other two credits are more easily verified.  Those who enjoy going to comedy clubs can see Judah and his stockpile of hats whenever he comes to their town, but for those who don’t like to go out, you can also find him every Thursday night in the hit NBC sitcom, 30 Rock.  He’s also appeared in a number if independent films (usually receiving rave reviews) as well as blockbusters like Meet the Parents, Starsky & Hutch, Showtime and Zoolander. And good news for those of you who have been jonesing for it since the writer's strike, 30 Rock returns to NBC this Thursday night at 8:30 PM.
 

Fresh From the Keys
From Put-in-Bay, OH to Key West, FL singer/songwriter Pat Dailey has become a traveling Spring Break, selling out shows for almost two decades. With humorous tunes, a sly wit and a fondness for adult beverages, Dailey has built up a huge fan following full of fellow party goers and people who just like to have a good time. He's a regular at the famed Sloppy Joe's in Key West, and fills the place with college coeds every night he plays there. He's also a favorite guest of BOB&TOM, and never fails to entertain with classics songs like The Oyster Song, Out Drinkin', and You're There.

 

Filthy Charm
Tom Segura is a man on the move; he just can’t seem to stay in one place for very long.  That might be why the life of a standup comedian sounded so appealing to him.  After working as a volunteer in 12 U.S. states and in six foreign countries, Tom moved out to L.A. to pursue a career in stand-up.  Since that time he’s made somewhat of a name for himself as both a comedian and an actor.  Keep an eye out for Tom in a club near you, or if you're lucky enough, you can catch him on the new season of Comedy Central’s Live at Gotham or in his short film Cutman.

Top photo - Tommy G. thinks that Tom Segura and Victor Buono are eerily similar in appearance. You be the judge!

 

Planet BOB&TOM Edition
As many of our long time listeners know, The BOB&TOM Show has produced a number of great comedy albums over the years. And while many of these comedy filled classics are available through the BOB&TOM webstore, a handful of the older, more obscure releases are no longer in print. That's why with this week's best of we'd like to present some of our forgotten favorites from the album Planet BOB&TOM.

Prisoner of Love- Slam & Dave
Puberts

Sodamigo

Stalker's Choice

The Lottery Song - Scratch Blojovian & The Mad Armenians

 
 
kaugh hole link

Collin Moulton
There are are a number of things you shouldn't do when being pulled over by a police officer, and making fun of them probably tops the list. See what happens when comedian Collin Moulton fails to follow this rule in his very first appearance in The Laugh Hole.

 
The Spring '08 Canadian Mist
BOB&TOM Comedy All Stars Tour
Tickets Are On Sale Now!
 
 

Have you ever been listening to the show and caught a commercial that sounded interesting and told yourself not to forget what it was or couldn't locate a pen and paper in time to write down a phone number? Yeah, we thought so. That's why why we've compiled a page dedicated to our sponsors. Now you no longer have to write us to ask questions like "what was that thing I heard about that thing they were talking about on the radio?" Instead you can either rely on the Jake Johnston Memory System or simply click your mouse and you can find what you're looking for. >>>check it out!
 

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The Best of BOBandTOM.com
Bobandtom.com consists of thousands and thousands of pages of content, which can make locating something your looking for a daunting task. That's why we've put together a hot list of some of the site's most popular, and judging by your e-mails, the most difficult to find features. So if you’re looking for the fried turkey recipe, the Drano baby test, Tom Speak, CD track listings or the photo archives, just to name a few, this is the page for you.

 

     
     
     

 

 
 

 

 

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